Etiquette Today: Body Language, Posture, and Personal Space
The way we carry ourselves and the care we take with respecting personal space can have big impacts on how we connect with others and are received by them.
Body Language, Posture, and Personal Space
The different ways we can hold our posture, the gestures and expressions we make, and the way we occupy shared space with others will all contribute to other people’s experiences with us and impressions of us. This isn’t to scare anyone whose back isn’t straight or who fidgets that they are somehow rude or unpleasant to be around. No, no, no. We’re hoping to get you thinking about these three elements so that you can use them to your advantage when interacting with others. Awareness gives us options and control when building relationships in our lives and having smooth interactions with others. Let’s look more closely at body language, posture, and personal space.
Body Language + Posture
How we hold our bodies can signal to others whether or not we are approachable, friend, or foe, and it can signal how receptive we are to the other person. Crossed arms, a furrowed brow, a clenched jaw, and pursed lips are not welcoming. Even without the furrowed brow and clenched jaw, crossed arms (admittedly a comfort zone move for some) don’t signal approachable or comfortable to others.
When going about our day, relaxed and friendly postures and body language will signal that, at the very least, nothing is wrong, and at best, we are at ease in the environment and possibly even approachable. If you can, hold your back upright with your chin parallel to the ground. Direct your attention to the person you are speaking with by literally facing them if you can make eye contact. If you can’t, keep your face directed at whoever is talking to show your attention and focus are on them.
Gestures are part of our body language and add so much to conversation. However, you don’t want your gestures to get so exuberant or intense that you accidentally hit something or someone. It’s also important that your level of gesturing matches the interaction. A quiet moment deserves small, slow, and gentle gestures. A celebration where everyone is cheering, or a dinner party where you have space at the table and the conversation is lively, are places where big gestures can be fun and contribute to a great time.
Personal Space
How close to or far away from someone do you stand when speaking with others? To be polite in everyday conversations and when waiting in lines or at a counter paying for something, we want to think about how closely we’re standing to others. In the United States, this means keeping about a foot and a half, or half a meter, between you and either the person you’re speaking with, others around you, or when in a line.
Avoid leaning too far in during conversations, and don’t put your hands on the other person. While some friends and relatives give hugs, shoulder pats, and even stand arm-in-arm regularly, this should not be done with those you are not intimate or close with.
Keeping too far away (more than three feet or one meter) can send signals that you want to keep your distance. This could make the other person wonder if you are worried about contagions or if they smell bad. It also has the unfortunate effect of causing both parties to feel like they need to raise their voices to be heard or carry on a conversation.
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We so often forget what a large role body language plays in our communication—and how its absence on the phone or even on Zoom can skew communication. Thank you for this wonderful, practical guidance.
Great reminder! Even walking into a room with my phone in hand, I realize it sends a message that I'm not fully "open" so I'm learning to turn it off and tuck it in my handbag. I practice this with family members - and my grown children - as well. I want them to know they have my full attention and I'm interested in what they are saying.