Etiquette Today: Good Conversation Basics
The art of good conversation is a skill to be honed with good teaching and practice.
Good Conversation Basics
A good conversation is a back-and-forth between two people. It’s not a lecture and it’s not a competition. It requires that we both listen and contribute. The goal isn’t to say everything you’d like to, or to only listen and not speak, it’s to strike an enjoyable balance between the two. Whether you’re skilled at conversation or not, these good conversation basics can help anyone hone their conversation skills.
Think Before You Speak
Using the Three Tiers of Good Conversation described in the video above can go a long way toward organizing your thoughts during a conversation. Being thoughtful applies across the board, from choosing the conversation's topic to responding to reactions. Ask yourself if it's likely that someone will be interested in a topic before you bring it up, but also stay aware and be ready to change course if the moment requires it.
Listening
Instead of panicking over what to say next, or being very focused on what point you’d like to contribute or question you’d like to ask, focus on what's being said to you. Really listen. Here are some tips for sharpening your listening skills:
Empty other thoughts from your mind and concentrate on what the person is saying.
Make eye contact, nod occasionally, and intermittently say, "I see" or "Really?" to indicate that you not only heard but understood what was said.
Once you've picked up the rhythm of the other person's speech, you'll be able to inject longer confirmations without seeming to interrupt.
If you don't understand something, ask for an explanation, a habit that comes naturally to a good listener.
Interrupting
The only time it's okay to interrupt in the middle of a sentence is when you need to communicate something that honestly can't wait. Even then, precede what you say with "I'm sorry to interrupt…" or “Please, excuse me…”. It is okay, however, to follow a conversation by nodding, adding mmm hmmm's, and little conversational embellishments that show you’re paying attention and following along.
Personal space
A comfortable conversation involves more than just words; it’s the physical and atmospheric space that matters too. Generally, we suggest you stand no closer than about eighteen inches apart. And be aware of the atmosphere around you. A serious conversation in a chaotic, joyous atmosphere won’t feel appropriate. And vice versa, a boisterous conversation in a solemn or serious setting won’t do. If you must table the conversation for a better time and place, it’s okay to suggest it. “Could we move this conversation to a quieter space?” or “I really want to continue this conversation, but I’d feel more comfortable if we saved it for at home.”
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Emily Post’s Business Etiquette
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Thank you for spending your time with us this week. What are ways you can improve your conversation skills? Are you an interrupter, or do you need to speak up more often? Let us know in the comments! If you’re not a Community Member yet, please post your comment on the Monday Podcast post, where the comment thread is open to all.
If you haven’t heard this week’s podcast yet, you can listen here. Keep an eye out this weekend for the Saturday Sip with its Emily Post recipe. We’ll see you then.
All our best,
Lizzie and Dan
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