Etiquette Today: The Engagement Party
With many couples getting engaged over the holidays here's a look how to host a great engagement party
The Engagement Party
It is really fun to celebrate a couple’s engagement! The joy and excitement so common with the sharing of this news can make couples, friends, and family giddy at the thought of hosting a really fun moment for those close to the couple. While engagement parties are all about celebrating the moment, there are some etiquette considerations that can help make for a smoother event and prevent you from sending mixed signals to guests. Let’s look at the details of the engagement party.
Hosts
Parents, friends, or the couple themselves can host this party. Traditionally, the bride's family got the first opportunity. Today, it's about what's logical, and there is no reason to wait for one party or the other to make the move or suggestion. It's okay to break the party up into groups, like hometown parties with each family, as well as a party in the town the couple lives in. Do what makes sense for your honorees. If you’re hosting for the couple, be sure to work with them on the guest list - more on that below.
Style
Engagement parties can take many forms: cocktail party, dinner party, beach day, picnic, potluck, dinner out at a special restaurant, a backyard cookout, and the list goes on... Consider the guests and the honorees and pick a party style that fits them both.
Guests + Timing
Consult the couple and only invite guests that will 100% be invited to the wedding itself. This is often an intimate gathering. Immediate family, best friends, and a few extended family and local friends. Coworkers are only invited if you’re certain they will be invited to the wedding.
Often, this party is hosted close to the actual engagement, and it’s a kick-off to the planning that will ensue. It’s not that you can’t host an engagement party later on in a longer engagement but the closer you get to the wedding, the more the focus will be on that event. It’s best to aim to get this party in before you send save the dates, and definitely a month or more before you send invitations if you can make that work with your timing.
Invitations
The invitations should match the formality of the party. For a formal party, use printed, calligraphied, or handwritten invitations. For a casual party, use the method most likely to get a response, whether that’s snail mail or something convenient like a PartyClick invitation link in a text or email or a more formalized digital email invitation like Paperless Post. Phone calls can work for a smaller party, but it can be really nice as the host to have some of the organizational benefits that come with digital services. We do not recommend group text messages for parties larger than an immediate group that has a text group together (like your family) as it can create too convoluted a communication stream. Send invitations three to six weeks in advance, and DEFINITELY include an RSVP-by date.
Menu
This party's menu can run the gamut from passed hors d’oeuvres to multi-course meals, regardless of the formality. That said, the type of food should match the formality, and guests should be able to eat comfortably. A food truck is fun, but eating tacos or mini burgers in a tux with no table can be tough. Think practically about the food and drink, and be sure to have enough to sustain the party style you’ve chosen.
Toasts
This is a great party for making toasts. Keep the focus on the couple and the tone sentimental, kind, and positive. Jokes might not land right so take care with attempts at humor. Stories should be short and truly serve as an example of the couple's love or a great aspect of one or both of their personalities and how they work well together.
Gifts
Gifts from the guests to the honorees are optional at an engagement party, and often, it will depend on the region, social group, or family custom. As the host, get a few suggestions from the couple just in case guests ask. A couple shouldn’t have a registry all picked out already, and because an engagement gift is optional and not the point of this party, it wouldn’t be appropriate to put together a registry for it.
As a guest, if you’d like to get a gift, stick to something the couple can enjoy together and avoid gifts with monograms just yet. (We do not want to toot our own horn, but we think our Wedding Etiquette and Etiquette, the Centennial Edition, make for great engagement gifts.)
Whether you're a couple gathering friends to toast the news or a close friend or family member creating a wonderful fete to celebrate this joyous occasion with all the trimmings, we encourage folks to not skip over this celebration as you start the wedding planning process. It’s a wonderful occasion and a great way to kick off the wedding planning in your life, no matter how big or small the event will be. For many couples, it presents a first opportunity to introduce families and communities that will be drawn together by the coming nuptials.
Have you hosted an engagement party? Was it for someone or your own? Please tell us in the comments, if you can’t post here, head over to the Monday Podcast Post where the comments are open to all.
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Lizzie and Dan
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