Etiquette Today: Thank-You Notes
After a slew of gift-giving holidays, it's time for a refresher on thank-you notes.
The Thank-You Note
Anytime someone has given us a gift (or done us a favor) and we haven’t been able to thank them in person, it’s best to send a handwritten thank you. Now, some friends and family may have gotten into the habit and even truly appreciate the connection that can come from phone calls, video calls, and texts - heck, even video reactions sent via text! And that is great. It’s great to see technology connecting us, but it doesn’t mean that thank-you notes are gone from our lives or that they don’t still carry some significant weight in the gratitude game. They do!
A handwritten note shows effort and has that wonderful quality of being something the sender actually spent time with. They touched it, they handled it, they crafted the words, and it’s their personal handwriting that we are reading, a true extension of the person.
Thank-you notes for holiday gifts, whether opened in front of the giver or not are not only a fun and great tradition, but they are a teaching tool as well for youngsters. When practiced, it means kids are familiar with the concept of written gratitude as an expression of appreciation. And that is a great skill to cultivate, even in our digital age.
Here are three simple tips for how to structure a great thank-you note:
Greet the recipient warmly, either wishing them well or asking them how they are.
Thank them directly for the gift they gave you.
Wish the recipient well, and if you’d like, offer your thanks again.
Try to keep the focus of the note on the person you are sending it to and what you are grateful for. If you wish to catch up, you can, but it’s also nice to keep the focus just on the gratitude. You can always send a second note to catch up, making for one happy mailbox.
When To Send
Send your note as soon as possible after you’ve opened a gift. It’s never too late to say thank you—even if it’s been years. You can also send a message to let someone know a gift arrived and then a thank-you note once you’ve opened it: “Package arrived today; will wait to open until my birthday.” Or send a quick text or email to say thanks and let someone know a note is coming. “Package arrived today—thank you so much for the teas (note coming in the mail)!” You should send a thank-you note for a thank-you gift, but you do not have to send a thank-you note for a thank-you note - the cycle would never stop!
12/28/24
Dear Lucy,
I hope this note finds you well. I was so excited to open your gift last week. Thank you! How did you know that eggplant purple is my favorite color right now? The scarf is perfect, and it will keep me so warm in these cold Vermont winters. Thank you again! I hope we get to see you and Kate this summer at the reunion.
All my best,
—Shawn
Holiday Party Challenge
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You can listen to this week's podcast here if you haven't yet! Keep an eye out for the Saturday Sip with its Emily Post recipe; that’s up next!
Until then,
Lizzie and Dan
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What fantastic advice for this time of year! I especially appreciate #2 and would even add the word "specifically." Your sample letter did this so well -- it was very specific about what the writer was thanking the note recipient for. This specificity conveys warmth and indicates the appeal the gift has for you. And I love that your sample included WHY they loved the gift and what they'd use it for. These all add depth to the expression of appreciation.