Etiquette Today: Houseguest Manners for Kids and Parents
Lots of families travel to stay with loved ones during summer vacation let's look at how to set kids up well for being houseguests.
Houseguest Manners for Kids
Lots of families will gather with loved ones during summer vacation, and for kids, it can be both exciting and a little nerve-wracking to go stay at someone else’s house. Here are some tips for helping your kids prepare for and have a great time staying as someone’s houseguest.
Prepare, Prepare, Prepare
Prepare your kiddo, letting them know a few weeks in advance of the trip where you’ll be going, who you’ll be staying with, and what you might do while you’re visiting. A generic run down a few weeks out is great, as it gives your child time to absorb and think about it and develop some questions. About two weeks before, you can start getting more descriptive to build confidence in your child about the trip. “You’ll be staying in your own bedroom. It has daisies on the furniture, and it was mine when I was a little girl.” “Grandma’s dog Lucky will probably bark when we get there, and we just say, ‘Hi Lucky!’ when he comes running.” “On Friday night we have a big dinner with all your cousins and aunts and uncle and grandma and grampa. We’ll get dressed up and go out to a restaurant.”
The week before you can start practicing things like your magic words so that they are fresh of mind when you’re playing the role of guest. This is also when we can start talking about what good guest manners look like.
Good Guest Manners
Greet people when you see them. Obviously, when you see them for the first time on the trip. “Grandma! I’m so happy to see you!” but also as you move throughout your day. When we enter rooms, we often acknowledge the other person in the room, and kids can be encouraged to do this as well.
Respect the house rules. Helping kids to understand that different houses have different rules isn’t a hard jump. They know from going to school and friends’ houses that the rules are different in different places. As the parent, it’s your job to remind them of this and the rules at the house they are visiting. While it can feel like nagging, when it’s done in a friendly tone and with encouragement, it will come across as helpful. “Let’s go get your truck out of the car, and then we’ll make breakfast, bud! Oh, remember that Lucky can’t go outside without a leash, so we have to be really mindful about keeping the door shut. Can you help me do that?
Use the magic words. The magic words really do set us off on the right foot when it comes to all our interactions. Reminding kids when you don’t hear a magic word or phrase is worth it, even if you get an eye roll in return.
Take “No thank you” portions at meals if there’s something you’re not sure about. A “No thank you” portion is just a small amount of the item you’re unsure about. This allows you to try it and ask for, or go back for more if you end up liking it. But you don’t waste an entire portion if it ends up not being your favorite.
Participate! Kids can be shy when they are out of their element, and encouraging them to participate is a great way to build their overall confidence. Sure, you’ll likely encourage them to hold the fishing rod, go to the store with Grandpa, or play a game with the other kids. But smaller things can be good guest participation as well, whether it’s fixing their own plate from food that’s been set out, or having them be the one to present a hosting gift, there are all kinds of ways to let your kids participate in being a houseguest.
Encouraging your child to say thank you regularly throughout the visit is great, but it’s also wonderful to teach them to say thank you specifically for the visit. Whether you write a note together or make sure your child says thank you during your goodbyes, learning how to part well - especially after having stayed with someone - is a great skill to instill.
Pack Well
In teaching your youngster to pack, you’ll want to encourage them to think about the activities they know they’ll be doing, and you’ll want to show them how to take a look at the weather forcast to help them pack accordingly.
Every parent knows to pack the comfort items and distraction items that can help so much. Blankies, stuffies, a favorite item of clothing, whatever it is that gives your kid comfort and confidence, bring it! Avoid bringing everything (often a temptation of new parents with infants) when a few small or very important and favorited items will do. Distraction items are worth their weight in gold. Kids have short attention spans, and every parent knows what items (books, tablets, games, tasks) will keep their kiddo occupied. Making sure you pack a few of these will help you navigate not only the wait times associated with travel but also the times when you want to connect with other adults on the trip.
Flexibility and Contingency Plans
Kids’ and family’s routines can be vital to parents remaining sane through the chaos (and fun) of raising kiddos. Getting out of your routine can be both a blessing and a curse. Yes, your daughter just had the most amazing time learning to boogie board with her little cousin, and you’ve had a whole afternoon at the beach. But she’s also now missed her nap and has the potential to throw an epic tantrum right as you all will be getting ready to leave for a big group dinner out. Parents are often caught in the balance of knowing their kids so well and not knowing how their kids will react to being out of their routine.
Adopting a “let’s see how it goes” attitude while having a contingency plan is a great way to tackle group activities and shared spaces. For the beach day, you might say to yourself that you or your partner (or even a babysitter) could stay back with your daughter if she’s not up for a dinner out with everyone. Or you might choose to end the boogie boarding early, knowing that tomorrow’s weather is clear and you can all come back again. Taking the time to think through your options and weigh out what would work best (and it’s just your best guess here; no pressure to be perfect) allows you to feel confident that you’ve done the thinking and you’ve got a plan (as best as one can have as a houseguest.)
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When packing comfort items for children, it's important to remember adults have comfort items too. I am always amazed how much of a negative impact it makes on a trip when I vary too far from my routine when not at home.