Etiquette Today: Gift Giving
'Tis the season for gift giving! Here are some helpful tips on gift exchanges, what to get, and regifting to help you participate well in the spirit of generosity this holiday season.
‘Tis the season for gift giving. The thrill of picking something out that you think the receiver will absolutely love. The pride in wrapping it nicely and having it ready for when you’re going to see them or to ship in time for a certain holiday. There’s definitely some energy that goes into gift-giving, and this time of year, we are often on gift-giving overload! Here are some tips to consider as you start making your lists and checking them twice this holiday season.
THE GIFT EXCHANGE
Typically, throughout the year, we give gifts to honor folks, and it’s unlikely they’ll have a present for us in return. Birthdays, engagements and weddings, graduations, retirements, quinceaneras and bar, and bat mitzvahs (well, the last one has a tradition of giving from the honoree as well, but) for the most part are all occasions where we give a gift and do not expect one in return. But the holiday season is when our gift-giving often comes with gift-receiving. Gift exchanges among extended family, co-workers, and friends are all common this time of year. However, this doesn’t mean that we should expect gifts in return. Nor does it mean we should feel guilt or lie if we don’t have a gift to give someone who has given to us.
A great gift exchange sounds like this: “Here, I got this gift for you!” followed by, “Oh wow, thank you so much, I really appreciate it!” Notice the thank you is the second part, not an immediate “and here’s a gift I got for you!” During the holidays, when it comes to gift giving, we can often do two things we want to avoid from an etiquette perspective: 1. Skipping the thank you and going right to giving a gift ourselves 2. Thinking that we are somehow bad or less than others if we don’t have a present in return.
No matter what, when you receive a gift, especially in person, you want to make sure you thank the giver sincerely. Usually, this is pretty easy when the present is something we like, shows thought, or excites us. If the gift is a dud - hey, it happens - you’ll want to focus on the spirit of generosity rather than lie and say it’s the most perfect thing you’ve ever been given. “Alex, thank you so much for thinking of me.” If that doesn’t feel sincere, try, “Alex, thank you so much.”
Should someone give you a gift and you do not have one in return, the best thing you can do is to keep your focus on their generosity and not on your lack of gift. Lying and saying that their present is in the mail or that you left it on the counter at home is totally unnecessary and silly when you stop to think about it. You don’t need to buy yourself time here; the holidays are a season, and gifts can be given throughout. If you focus on the moment you are in and on the generosity of the person who gave you the gift, you’ll be honoring the moment. You can always use this experience to inspire you to get a gift for them in the future. When we start to go into a bunch of excuses, “I didn’t realize we were doing gifts for each other this year.” or something similar, we diminish the spirit of generosity and place more importance on our lack of gift than on the gift we are receiving. Stay focused on the present. (Pun totally intended.)
WHAT TO GIVE
There is nothing more satisfying than picking out the perfect gift. It’s a special thing to totally nail it when it comes to gifts and an absolute delight for both the person receiving it and the person giving it when we do. But let’s be honest, it’s rare that it happens. Not every gift has to be a perfect surprise or winner. When you don’t have that gangbuster idea for a gift, get people things they will like and enjoy and keep it simple. Golfers love golfballs; coffee nuts love their favorite beans. Don’t overthink it; go with what works and what is sure to please. Even if it doesn’t seem exciting to you, it will likely be exciting for the person receiving it. Unique and surprising gifts are fun, but don’t let your joy in giving those overshadow the sheer awesomeness of giving something the recipient will adore.
REGIFTING
Regifting is always a hot topic, and it used to be so taboo to do it. But today, with sustainability at the forefront of many of our minds (and inflation, too) regifting can be a fantastic way to give gifts! However, there are some things to consider to make sure the regift goes well.
In general, when we regift, there’s one straightforward and great way to do it: let the person you’re giving to know that the gift was regifted. So when you receive TWO copies of Emily Post’s Etiquette - The Centennial Edition this year, so long as it isn’t personalized, it’s okay to give one of them away. “Julie, I got two of these for my birthday, and I thought you’d be the perfect person to regift this second copy to!”
Now, if want to be a bit more covert with your regifting, here are four things we think are important to consider before you choose to regift under the radar:
The gift should have its original packaging and all necessary parts and manuals.
The gift should not be unique, home or handmade, or personalized (monograms, names, dates, etc.)
You need to be 100% sure that the person you’re giving it to and the person who gave it to you would not be offended if the regift was discovered.
(Our favorite tip) You have to truly believe that the person receiving the regifted item would appreciate it.
No matter if you give a new gift or regift an item, always make sure to wrap your gift in good cheer and the spirit of generosity. This is a time to come together, to appreciate one another, and to sprinkle the magic of good tidings and goodwill to those in our lives. And don’t forget the card!
Keep an eye out for the Saturday Sip which contains your etiquette tip, Emily Post Cookbook recipe for Pot Roast this week, and an Emily Post quote to start your weekend off right!