Etiquette Today: Engagement Announcement 101
For many the holidays are the start of an engagement, here are some tips for how to handle announcements well and avoid hurt feelings.
Engagement Announcements 101
The holidays are known as “Engagement Season” from Halloween straight through New Year; there are lots of opportunities to pop the question and have some BIG news to share with the fam during the holiday season! Or, in some cases, to allow them to be present for the proposal. Whether it was a private moment between just the two love birds or a big spectacle with loved ones looking on, here’s how to spread the word once you’ve said “YES!”
Who To Tell First
This one is easy: Tell the people you are closest to in the world first. For some, this will be parents, siblings, and grandparents, followed by best friends and close extended family like aunts, uncles, and cousins. For others, immediate family might not be our first go-to, and that’s okay; lots of people create chosen families throughout their lives, and these folks can end up being our first-tier family that we reach out to when big news needs to be shared. You can even create lists. An in-person (or video call if distance makes this difficult) list, a phone or video call list, and a social media/mass email list. You should wait until you’ve contacted all the people on your first two lists before sharing anything on social media. The last thing you would want is for your mom or mom-figure to learn about your engagement from her acquaintance at the gym who saw it on social media somehow.
Methods & Wording
Once you’ve determined who you should reach out to directly to share the news, you can determine the best method. In-person announcements are great when they are possible, but do be mindful of the timing of your announcement. At someone else’s celebration - wedding, birthday party, anniversary party, etc… - is usually not a good time (unless the honoree(s) themselves insist that you do make the announcement.) Family gatherings for holidays are another in-person moment that might feel right, but take the temperature of the event and the people gathered, Americans tend to be split as to whether this is taking up too much attention at an all-family gathering or whether this is the perfect time because everyone is gathered and can celebrate the news together.
If you’re sharing the news in person, over the phone, or via video, your wording will likely come naturally. “Everyone, we’d like to have your attention. Jesse and I are excited to share that we are officially engaged!” Or maybe something like, “Well, we are calling to share some good news with you: we got engaged!” if you’re calling or on video.
For a social announcement, the language is pretty simple and is really up to you. “We’re engaged!” “He/She/They said ‘yes!’” Because this announcement is the most casual of the announcements, there’s more room to play with your own personal style.
For those who want to go the traditional route, you can either submit your engagement announcement to your local - or preferred - publication of choice; most of them have a digital form that you can fill out easily. Or you can mail out an announcement. Remember that a written announcement can be printed or handmade and that it can go out to anyone you wish. The announcement carries with it no obligation of a gift, and it is not an invitation or an indication that the recipient will receive an invitation to a wedding.
What’s Next?
If you receive well wishes from friends and family, by all means, reply to them with a thank you. It’s a very beautiful thing to be congratulated and celebrated for your life’s milestones; accepting that celebration graciously has the effect of strengthening bonds in our relationships. Ignoring someone’s well wishes for you can instead diminish the bond.
For those who choose to celebrate their engagement with a party, now’s a great time to get planning! Here’s a link to some of our engagement party etiquette advice to help.
IT’S ENGAGEMENT SEASON!!! A signed copy of Emily Post’s Etiquette - The Centennial Edition makes for a wonderful engagement gift. Order your copy(ies) today from Bridgeside Books - our local, woman-owned business partner for all our signed books!
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Have you listened to this week’s podcast episode? The entire postscript segment is on engagement etiquette. If not, check it out here. And if you have your own question or salute for the podcast, you can submit it to awesomeetiquette@emilypost.com.
Community Members, tell us your own engagement stories in the comments. Whether it is your story or someone else’s matters not, we want to hear about it! Free subscribers, remember the Monday post has a comment thread open to all, so please join us there!
Keep an eye out for the Saturday Sip; it’s coming up next!
Until then,
Lizzie and Dan
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I’d be VERY curious to read or hear the etiquette on how to communicate when an engagement ends.
As someone who was engaged and then had wasn’t, I was very “in left field” on how to handle it with those who know -- friends, coworkers, clients, acquaintances.