Etiquette Today: Cutting The Cake
We'll take a deeper look at this wedding tradition...while trying not to drool.
Before we get into today’s article, we wanted to take a moment to wish everyone a Happy (and safe) Fourth of July today! We know for many Americans this is the main event of the summer, with lots of planning and annual traditions. We hope you feel the joy and connectedness of coming together to celebrate America’s Independence Day.
Cutting the Wedding Cake
The breaking of bread or the cutting of cake has been a long-standing part of the wedding tradition. While always used in celebration, the specifics vary depending on culture and place in time. In ancient Rome, the breaking of bread over the couple’s head symbolized fertility. In Indonesia, the taller the cake, the more likely the couple will prosper. The community is a big part of wedding cakes in Appalachian and Cajun cultures. In Appalachia, the stack cake is often a wedding cake, with each member or family in a community bringing a single thin layer to be stacked with a filling like apples or apple butter. In Cajun culture, it’s not uncommon for the bride’s family to bake multiple cakes rather than one large cake for the reception. In China, the first slices of a wedding cake are taken from the bottom tier and given to the parents and ancestors of the couple, honoring them as the foundation of the family. In American weddings, the cake cutting is also a signal to guests that it’s alright for them to leave if they wish. Let’s look at the American tradition of cake cutting at a wedding.
Style
Today, there are no specific traditions regarding the type, style, or flavor of the cake served as a wedding cake. It’s really up to you, your tastes, and your personal or cultural traditions. Chocolate, red velvet, passion fruit? Go for it! As many tiers as will allow? Go for it! Five cakes and five pies? Why not? Cupcakes…oh please, that is so 2010. Just kidding, cupcakes are great! Your cake does not have to be white; it does not have to have lace-like or floral decorations on it. And if the little couple at the top of the cake doesn’t help you feel married on your wedding day, ditch ‘em.
There is no etiquette that says your cake has to be a certain way…or that it even has to be cake.
Traditions
There are two significant traditions involved in cutting a wedding cake. One is the couple cutting the cake together and offering one another the first bite, a classic and even iconic wedding tradition. And by offer, we mean offer. We know some folks think it’s a riot, but for all kinds of practical reasons, we don’t advise smooshing the cake on your new spouse. This is a moment that symbolizes caring and trust.
The second, as mentioned above, is that the cake-cutting indicates to guests that the party is complete, and they may leave if they choose to.
Timing
Because cutting the cake is a signal that it’s okay to leave, it’s courteous to time the cutting of the cake just before dessert is served - at some weddings; there is an official dessert as well as the cake; at other weddings, the cake is the dessert. Especially with weddings lasting longer into the night, and sometimes afterparties going on until wee hours of the morning, having the cake cutting closer to a traditional “end of the party” makes it easier for guests to feel like they fully participated and that they aren’t forced to stay long into the night, waiting for that one last tradition to be observed.
The cake cutting should be announced so that guests may gather. While you’ve likely already discussed the event's timing with your caterer, giving a heads-up to the caterer before you announce the cake-cutting is thoughtful.
Serving
Once the couple has cut the cake, it is taken into the catering tent or kitchen, where it is sliced and served to the rest of the guests. Once everyone has had a chance to get a slice, the remaining cake can be offered for seconds (or thirds…), and anything left over after that is often sent home with the couple.
There is a tradition around freezing a slice of your wedding cake and having it on your first wedding anniversary, but this is entirely up to you. If you decide to do this, let the caterer know to put two slices into the freezer immediately after cutting the cake. The faster it goes in the freezer, the better.
Lizzie chiming in here: I had the opportunity to provide a wedding cake for two weddings of dear friends (twins!). Both times, I prepared an icebox cake using Famous Chocolate Waffers (no longer available - yes, call Nabisco and tell them to bring the product back!) and homemade whipped cream. The cakes are still talked about, and because they are so easy to make, we get to eat one together at a dinner party or hang out and reminisce about their wedding days. (Today, we make the cakes with chocolate graham crackers, not the same, but still good.) Tell about your wedding cake or your favorite wedding cake in the comments below! We’re opening up today’s Thursday Article comments to everyone!
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Don’t forget to let us know about some of the best wedding cakes you’ve ever had. We’re opening up today’s comments for everyone! If you haven’t checked out this week’s podcast, why not listen now? Keep an eye out for the Saturday Sip with its Emily Post recipe; it’s up next!
Until then,
Lizzie and Dan
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Ina Garten uses Tates chocolate chip cookies. Excellent.
Some people are using Dewey's Brownie Crisp cookies as an alternative.