Etiquette Today: Chit Chat At Work
What are small considerations you can make to ensure your quick and casual conversations stay polite?
Chit Chat At Work
An eight-hour work day can feel very long and it’s commonplace to want a mental break. We get “lunch breaks” (often 30-60 minutes) and “coffee breaks” (usually around 15 minutes) in fact they are often built into our jobs. But there are also lots of little “water cooler” moments throughout the day where we engage in conversation. Let’s look at when they can happen and the type of conversation that works well for them.
WHAT IS CONSIDERED CASUAL CONVERSATION AT WORK?
We are definitely sticking to TIER I conversation topics when we are casually chatting with someone during the workday. These topics are easy to think of, low-stakes, and they usually do well for brief exchanges. Topics include the weather, pop culture, entertainment (books, TV shows, podcasts or radio programs, movies, and music,) the shared experience - like the office environment or commuting to work, sports, hobbies, and feel-good news stories. It’s important to remember that office gossip does not fall into this category.
At work, we often get to know our coworkers a bit and for those with whom you feel a bit more camaraderie it’s okay to share some personal things but this can start to get into “too personal” territory quickly. Talking about your new apartment, or maybe a hobby is pretty safe, as could be the vacation you took. But when we start to chat about romantic relationships, or even issues in other close personal relationships - like with family for instance - it can cross into the “too personal” category and has the potential to be uncomfortable for the co-worker we are speaking with, even if we feel comfortable sharing.
If you’re really getting along with someone at work and have formed a tight friendship, think about leaving the more intimate and personal conversations for a hangout outside of work.
It should also be mentioned, that you do not want to ask about more personal topics at work, but instead allow others to broach the topic themselves. Rather than ask, “Do you have a spouse and kids?” which is a very personal but unfortunately common question as you get to know someone instead, simply avoid asking the question. If the person wants to bring up these subjects they will. And if they have talked about their kids or partner with you, then it’s okay to ask. “How was your weekend? Did you and the kids get into anything fun?”
WHERE AND WHEN DO WE HAVE CASUAL CONVERSATIONS AT WORK?
Obviously, this chit-chat is not happening during important meetings. But it’s worth mentioning that casual conversations at work often happen in communal spaces and are in general a “passing conversation.” We might stop to chat in the hallway, kitchen, or even as we’re washing our hands in the restroom, but these are moments in passing. We’re often on the go, grabbing our lunch from the fridge, or our second cup of coffee, or maybe on our way out for a quick errand. By nature, they are supposed to be short and easy to disengage from.
We always want to treat work as the priority when we are at work. Again, sounds obvious, but it’s easy when your mind wants to wander to invite the chit-chat as a form of procrastination. If you find yourself doing this, be honest with yourself, maybe you need a quick walk around the block to clear your head instead of finding someone to have an exchange with and is also drawing their attention away from work.
Other times, chit-chat is a welcome break for all involved because you need to shake your brain up a bit from the thing you’ve been intensely focused on. Be sure that when you try to strike up a bit of a conversation you aren’t interrupting someone else’s focused moment. You do not want to be going door to door, cubicle to cubicle searching for a conversation to distract you. No. Instead, allow these moments to happen naturally and in passing.
It’s also important to recognize if your chit-chat is going to bother someone. If you’re stopped in the hallway, move to the side so others can get by, and give a quick look around to see if your conversation is within earshot of someone’s desk, cubicle, or open office door. This is a big one. It’s okay to have a moment where you need a break or have the time to chat for a bit, but it’s not okay for that chat to interrupt others’ work.
By knowing the types of conversations that work well for office chit-chat and when and where it’s appropriate to have them you’ll be that much more considerate about conversation at work.
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Thank you for spending some of your day with us. Do you have a question for us about office chit-chat or maybe a story or salute to contribute to the Awesome Etiquette podcast? Share your question, comment, or salute in the comments here, or in the Monday comments which are open to all!
Keep an eye out for the Saturday Sip, it’s coming up next!
Until then,
Lizzie and Dan
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Great advice about work conversations!