Etiquette Today: Casual Entertaining At Home
Casual entertaining can look different to each of us, here are some tips for keeping hospitality alive in your hangouts.
Hosting Your Hangout
There is a constant cry that the world is just sooooo (too) casual today and the way we get together gets just as much criticism as our attire and emojis do. We hear it all the time, “We went over and they were still in their lounge clothes,” or “He didn’t even offer us a glass of water.” When hosts get too lax, it can make a guest feel awkward or not know what to do. Let’s look at how to hang out casually well so that you and your guests can feel good and want to get together again.
Much like there are different types of play dates when you’re a kid, there are different types of hangouts as an adult. Depending on your age and your friend group these may vary. For many of us, hanging out is a bit open-ended. When presented as a question from a potential date or new friend, “Wanna hang out sometime?” is vague and meant to just gauge your interest in getting together outside of whatever you’re doing at the moment. Someone might ask a new coworker if they “Wanna hang out?” it’s usually followed by, “Yeah that’d be great, want to go to the lake this weekend?” and then the usual back and forth of organizing ensues.
But when we invite, that same coworker over by saying, “Want to hang out at my place after work?” we’re more specifically hosting a hangout since we’ve made the offer of having the hang at our house at a certain time. And this means we’ve taken a bit of responsibility and a leading role of host in this hangout. Here are some tips for a good hangout.
Invite clearly - even though this is a casual invitation, being clear is still important, especially if you have another commitment that puts a time limit on the hangout. “If you want to hang for a bit, I’ve got time before my date at 8 tonight. Want to come over this afternoon?”
Keep it clean - most close friends and relatives don’t need to break out the vacuum for a last-minute hangout, but if you’ve made plans in advance it’s a good idea to give your home a once-over in the cleaning department and make sure that you’ve got a pleasant (clean and not too cluttered) place to get together. And that your restroom is a clean and comfortable space (well stocked) should your guest need to use it.
Greet well - this may be a casual hangout but you still want to welcome your guest in and make them feel comfortable. There are a few relationships in your life where you might get away with shouting “It’s open!” from the couch and have your guest actually enter, but for the VAST majority of people you hang out with, you should get up and answer the door.
Offer refreshment - at a bare minimum water in a clean glass is important to offer. Beyond that, it really depends on who you have invited and the type of hangout you’re having as to whether or not you should offer more food and drink. If you are offering more, generally for hangouts (which are so casual in nature,) you don’t need to put the chips and dip into bowls but instead can easily serve them from their bag or jar. That’s not to say you can’t, and you might even want to if you don’t want the whole bag or entire jar eaten. But for a casual hang, serving ware is optional.
Be a leader - whether it’s taking a seat together out on the patio, picking a movie or TV show to watch, starting an activity like playing a video game or guitar, or steering the conversation, as a host it’s up to you to take the lead.
Graciously say goodbye - While it can be tempting to just stay lounged on the couch or lawn chair where you have comfortably nestled yourself during this hangout, it’s important as a host that you get up and walk your guest(s) to the door. Thank them for the good time you’ve had and say goodbye. “Erik thank you for coming over, it was nice to just veg and chat for a bit.”
Each hangout is going to vary based on who you’ve invited, what the vibe is, and what you have on hand to enjoy, but with a few basics in place, your guests will feel cared for no matter how casual the occasion.
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Thank you for spending some of your day with us. Tell us in the comments about your favorite hangouts with your friends, is it iced tea and sunshine or the comfy couch and a movie or video games? We’d love to hear your thoughts - and remember the Monday thread is open to all.
Keep an eye out for the Saturday Sip, it’s coming up next!
Until then,
Lizzie and Dan
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This is a really good guide for informal hosting. It reminds us that just because the exacting standards of a formal dinner party might not be present, we don't have an excuse to be lazy or careless when it comes to hosting friends. Back in the 1930s, informal fashion for men meant casual suit patterns, more colorful accessories, and softer hats — and that's how I see informal hosting today. You may not have the shirt studs and detachable collars of a formal tailcoat, but you're still going to be effortful, mindful, and gracious. It's not about putting in much less effort, but about tailoring our efforts to the event so that our guests receive a five-star experience — even without the bow ties and Champagne.