Etiquette Throwback: Manners And Social Usages, 1897 - Simple Dinners
Margaret Sherwood outlines some details and benefits of what she calls "Simple Dinners"
Margaret Sherwood’s Manners And Social Usages, 1897 - Simple Dinners
The vast majority of us hold what are considered small dinners or easy get-togethers with our closest friends regularly. A small group, a simple meal, a casual vibe. For generations, this has been a supremely desirable way to gather and enjoy company without too much fuss. In 1922 Emily Post hailed the “little dinner of six to eight” (among close friends and followed by bridge afterward) to be the most desirable of invitations for it was casual, comforting, and easy. For today’s throwback, we’ll take a look at Margaret Sherwood’s praises of the simple dinner. While Sherwood has a similar love for the small dinner, her tastes reflect her times and she describes something much more formal than a casual “Make-your-own pizza at our house”, Thursday night get-together.
*Please note, that grammar and spelling in the following excerpt follow late 19th century standards.
Chapter XXXVII
SIMPLE DINNERS
To achieve a perfect little dinner with small means at command is said to be a great intellectual feat. Dinner means so much—a French cook, several accomplished servants, a very well-stocked china closet, plate chest, and linen chest, and flowers, wines, bon bons, and so on. But we have known many simple little dinners given by young couples with small means which were far more enjoyable than the gold and silver “diamond” dinners.
Given, first, a knowledge of ‘how to do it’; a good cook (not a cordon bleu); a neat maid-servant in cap and apron — if the lady can carve (which all ladies should know how to do); if the gentleman has a good bottle of claret, and another of champagne—or neither, if he disapproves of them; if the house is neatly and quietly furnished; with the late magazines on the table; if the welcome is cordial, and there is no noise, no fussy pretence—these little dinners are very enjoyable, and every one is anxious to be invited to them.
But people are frightened off from simple entertainments by the splendor of the great luxurious dinners given by the very rich. It is a foolish fear. The lady who wishes to give a simple but good dinner has first to consult what is seasonable. She must offer the dinner of the season, not seek for those strawberries in February which are always sour, nor peaches in June, nor pease at Christmas. Forced fruit is never good.
For an autumnal small dinner here is a very good menu:
Sherry - Oysters on the half shell. - Chablis
Soupe à la Reine
Bluefish, broiled - Hock,
Filet de Bouef au Champignon - Champagne
Or,
Roast Beef or Mutton - Claret
Roast Partridges - Burgundy or Sherry
Salad of Tomatoes
Cheese
Ices, Jellies, Fruit, Coffee - Liqueurs
Of course, these days claret and champagne are considered quite enough for a small dinner, and one need not offer other wines. Or, as Mrs. Henderson says in her admirable cook-book, a very good dinner may be given with claret alone. A table claret to add to the water is almost the only wine drunk in France or Italy at an every-day dinner. Of course no wine at all is expected at the table of those whose principles forbid alcoholic beverages, and who nevertheless give excellent dinners without them.
A perfectly fresh white damask table-cloth, napkins of equally delicate fabric, spotless glass and silver, pretty china, perhaps one high glass dish crowned with fruit and flowers—sometimes on the fruit—chairs that are comfortable, a room not too warm, the dessert served in good taste, but not overloaded—this is all one needs. The essentials of a good dinner are but a few.
Our modern minds might have a bit of trouble reconciling Sherwood’s perspective on simple dinners. On the one hand, she seems to be supportive of the idea that small dinners serve most folks well, are enjoyable, and are great for young couples on budgets to entertain. Even going so far as to call a little dinner on a small budget an “intellectual feat.” Yet the picture she paints of what these simple dinners might require is nothing short of formal for today’s standards.
The idea of cooks, maids, four- and five-course meals, silverware, and china send us very formal vibes today, but this is what Margaret Sherwood was recommending to her readers for a ‘simple dinner’ in 1897. Her list references items like fine china, delicate linens, and silverware. Again, our modern minds read this and think both, that while it was more common for any couple to receive items like these for wedding presents at the turn of the 19th century, we are curious how common was it really to have such items and how realistic was this picture for many young women of the day.
We also found it interesting that more than once Margaret Sherwood brings up the idea that alcohol is only part of entertaining if you approve of it. She makes it quite clear that you are not obligated to serve alcohol if it doesn’t align with your beliefs or isn’t something you engage with. This is a sentiment that we are very familiar with at Emily Post today, and we often find ourselves reminding folks that it’s okay to not include it, whether for personal or budgetary reasons. We always love stumbling across throwback etiquette that is still just as relevant today.
Whether the little dinner is being held in 1987, 1922, or 2023 one thing is for sure - as a culture we find them supremely enjoyable. Let this be a little inspiration, to host your own little dinner soon.
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We hope you enjoyed exploring etiquette from 1987 with us today. Community members, we’d love to hear your thoughts about it in the comments. And remember the Monday comment thread is open to all. Before we go today, we have one special request:
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Until next time!
Take care,
Lizzie and Dan
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