Etiquette Throwback: Dangers to Be Avoided, 1945
This throwback is to the 1945 edition of Emily Post's Etiquette from the chapter on conversation.
Dangers to Be Avoided [in Conversation]
The 1945 edition of Emily Post’s Etiquette is listed as the third complete revision of the book since its debut in 1922. Our own copy is a special book as it was the first off the press and gifted to our grandfather, Emily’s beloved only grandson: Billy.
The 1945 edition is also an interesting one because it is a wartime edition. It has disclaimers like “This book is manufactured under wartime conditions in conformity with all government regulations controlling the use of paper and other materials.” As well as a section on Military and Post-War Etiquette.
Today, we’ll look at the conversation section, where Emily describes dangers, many of which remain relevant, to be avoided.
DANGERS TO BE AVOIDED
ETIQUETTE, Emily Post, 1945
In conversation the dangers are very much the same as those to be avoided in writing letters. Talk about things which you think will be agreeable to your hearer. Don’t dilate on ills, misfortunes, or other unpleasantness. The one in greatest danger of making enemies is the man or woman of brilliant wit. If sharp, wit tends to produce a feeling of mistrust even while it stimulates. Furthermore, the applause which follows every witty sally becomes in time breath to the nostrils, and perfectly well-intentioned people, who mean to say nothing unkind, in the flash of a second “see a point,” and in the next second score it with no more power to resist than a drug addict has to refuse a dose put into his hand!
The mimic is a joy to his present company, but eccentric mannerisms are much easier to imitate than charm of personality, and the subjects of the habitual mimic are all too likely to become enemies.
You need not, however, be dull because you refrain from the rank habit of a critical attitude, which like a weed will grow all over the place if you let it have half a chance. A very good resolve to make and keep, if you would also keep any friends you make, is never to hear speak of anyone without, in imagination, having him or her overhear what you say. One often hears the exclamation “I would say it her face!” At least be very sure that this is true, and not a braggart’s phrase, and then-nine times out of ten- think better of it and refrain. Preaching is all very well in a textbook, schoolroom or pulpit, but it has no place in society. Society is supposed to be a pleasant place; telling people disagreeable things to their faces or behind their backs is not a pleasant occupation.
Classic Emily, warning about not overdoing things. A particular phrase that stood out: “I would say it to her face!” reminded us that while it’s easy to think that in days gone by we were gentle and formal with our speech, in reality, expressions like this were uttered. Tempers flared, gossip spread, and the ugliness that we so often want to attribute to only our own era or only a particular generation was just as present. The ideals of being a lady and a gentleman might have had more societal pressure and expectation than they do today, and the consequences of not being seen as such were certainly higher. But people still had arguments, bad days, and ungracious thoughts and with that one example Emily lets future generations see that we are always at odds with these thoughts and emotions, it’s how we choose to deal with them that will help us in being polite or not.
We also appreciated Emily’s quick attempt at the end of this section to suggest that no matter how much our internal nature might have moments when it wants to be in the conversational danger zones, our brains also have a construct of society being a place where we exercise some control and where our aim should be to enjoy a pleasant experience with others. Whether you read it as Polyanna-ish or a daring thing to suggest, we have all heard it said: wouldn’t it be nice, if the world was just a bit kinder, a bit nicer, a bit more pleasant? Emily dares us to not just dream about it but to actively participate in making it happen.
SIGNED COPIES AVAILABLE
If you’d like a signed copy of our latest edition, Emily Post’s Etiquette - The Centennial Edition, now’s the time! You can order your copy(s) through our favorite independent Vermont bookstore, Bridgeside Books, by clicking the button.
Thanks for taking a minute with us today. We hope you enjoyed this Etiquette Throwback. Keep an eye out for the Saturday Sip and a big announcement coming soon!
Until then.