Etiquette Throwback: 1960, Emily Post, Etiquette, If a Butler Opens The Door
Emily Post, in the last edition she penned, discusses how to be received by a butler when dropping by for a visit.
Emily Post, Etiquette, 1960, If a Butler Opens The Door
While having household staff was more common in the mid-twentieth century, we found this section of the 1960 edition of Etiquette to really hail to the past. Emily isn’t even writing about it as if it’s a traditional or early twentieth-century custom, despite the booming middle class in the 60s who could not afford butlers. It reminds us that throughout her career, Emily Post, as we do today at The Emily Post Institute, had to strike a balance for her readership. The 1960s were a decade that really burst open the seams of American social tradition and expectation and launched nearly three decades of social change and restructuring. In the early ‘60s, and for a book that was likely being worked on in the late 1950s, this particular passage seemed like it was a piece of tradition being held on to in recognition of those who still operated with butlers and honored the tradition of visiting cards.
*Please note that grammar and spelling in the following excerpt follow 20th-century standards.
Chapter 10
VISITING CARDS AND THEIR USES
IF A BUTLER OPENS THE DOOR
The butler reads the card himself, picking it up from the tray; and, going to the door of the drawing-room, he announces: “Mrs. John Jones.”
The duration of a formal visit should be in the neighborhood of fifteen minutes. But if other visitors are announced, the first one—on a very formal occasion—may cut her visit shorter. Or if conversation becomes especially interesting, the visit may be prolonged five minutes or so. On no account must a visitor stay longer than half an hour.
A hostess always rises when a visitor enters, unless the visitor is a very young woman or man and she is seated behind the tea-table so that rising is difficult. She should always receive a visitor graciously. She says, “How nice of you to come to see me!” Or “I’m very glad to see you. Won’t you sit here?”
If the lady of the house is at home but upstairs, the servant at the door leads the visitor into the reception room, saying, “Will you take a seat, please?” and then carries the card to the mistress of the house.
On an exceptional occasion, such as paying a visit of condolence or inquiring for a convalescent, when the question as to whether he will be received is necessarily doubtful, a gentleman does not take off his coat or gloves, but waits in the hall with his hat in his hand. When the servant returning says either, “Will you come this way, please?” or “Mrs. Town is not well enough to see anyone, but Miss Lillian will be down in a moment,” the butler then takes the gentleman’s hat, helps him off with his coat, and shows the way to the living-room.
While it’s true that there are plenty of households in America today with staff, even in those homes, many of the formalized versions of butler service and announcing unexpected visitors are gone. Rarely is a host sitting in a drawing room having tea, ready just in case someone drops by. Instead, we are on the treadmill, in the garden, working on a hobby, working from home, chasing the kids - even if someone else is cooking, cleaning, and organizing for us. While yes, Americans are encouraged to sit down with a good cup of coffee or tea and take a break, the image Emily painted in 1960 feels like we are getting a glimpse of an era about to be bygone but not gone yet.
A GIFT WORTH GIVING Signed copies of Emily Post’s Etiquette - The Centennial Edition are available now and make an excellent gift and pair well with our NEW TRIVIA GAME: Mind Your Manners. Get your copy today from the fine folks at Bridgeside Books!
FEEL GOOD, KNOWING YOU KEEP EMILY POST GOING STRONG
It takes a lot for this small team to keep Emily Post's etiquette relevant today. If you enjoy this publication and would like to ensure it continues, please join our paid Community Membership. It is the most impactful way to help. Thank you for considering it. Your support makes a big difference.
We hope you enjoyed a look back at the last edition of Etiquette that Emily wrote. We’re gearing up to celebrate episode 500 of the Awesome Etiquette podcast! Please send your etiquette questions and salutes to awesomeetiquette@emilypost.com.
Keep an eye on your inbox for the Saturday Sip; it’s up next!
Take care,
Lizzie and Dan
Looking to improve your own etiquette? Check out our eLearning programs for both business and dining etiquette.