Etiquette Throwback: 1955, Etiquette - When Dinner Is Announced
In her second to last edition, Emily Post paints a detailed picture of formal dinners and when to head into the dining room.
Emily Post’s Etiquette, 1955 - When Dinner Is Announced
So much of our work at Emily Post today is about making sure that our etiquette advice deals with everyday situations and is accessible to a wide range of folks. We’ve spent significant time working through preconceived notions of etiquette only being for the elite or only for formal situations that we sometimes forget just how delicious formal details can be when we choose to explore them.
In one of the last editions Emily worked on, we dipped into the section about Formal Dinners and in particular the advice around announcing dinner. Emily paints a very formal image, one that few folks today have ever experienced.
*Please note, that grammar and spelling in the following excerpt follow mid-20th century standards.
Chapter 28
Formal Dinners
When Dinner Is Announced pg. 357
It is the duty of the butler to “count heads” so that he may know when the company has arrived. As soon as he has announced the last person, he notifies the cook. The cook being ready, the butler, having glanced into the dining-room to see that windows have been closed and the candles on the table lighted, enters the drawing room, approaches the hostess, bows, and says quietly, “Dinner is served.” Or if she happens to be looking at him, he merely bows.
The host offers his right arm to the lady of honor and leads the way to the dining-room. All the other gentlemen offer their arms to the ladies appointed to them and follow the host, in an orderly procession, two and two; the only order of precedence is that the host and his partner lead, while the hostess and her partner come in last. If by any chance a gentleman does not know the lady whose name is on the card in his envelope, he must find out who she is and be presented to her before he takes her in to dinner. At all formal dinners, place-cards being on the table, the hostess does not direct people where to sit. If there was no table diagram in the hall, the butler usually stands just within the dining-room door and tells each gentleman as he approaches, “Right” or “Left.” He has plenty of time to reach the chair of the hostess before her, as she always enters the dining-room last.
Note, the subtleties that a guest must know. They are supposed to have taken the time to see who it is they are escorting to the dinner table, and if they do not know their dinner partner, they are meant to seek an introduction, not self-introduce. They do not just walk right up to the lady they have been paired with and say, “Hi, I’m Jim, I’ll be your dinner partner this evening.” They must find someone who knows her, and then the gentleman may be presented to the lady.” After all that, then the gentleman may escort the woman he’s just met into the dining room.
A guest must also be observant. There is no big announcement that “Dinner is served.” Instead, you have to take notice of when the host escorts his dinner partner (the lady of honor) to the dining room and follow suit.
While we know that Emily started to pull away from society in her later years, preferring to dine at home, or with a close friend instead of at parties late into the evening. We imagine Emily to be a delightful dinner partner when she did attend. But given the advice above, could you imagine the nerves you might have if you, a young gentleman, were presented with a dinner card that said your dinner partner was Emily Post? Nothing could bring beads of sweat to a brow faster. And yet, knowing Emily, she would have used her charm to put any dinner partner at ease.
While few of us today will experience such formality, it’s fun to dip into the details. Speaking of, here’s a photo from the book of a formal table setting.
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We hope you enjoyed today’s throwback to the 1950s. Have you ever attended a formal dinner? What do you remember about it? We’d love to hear about it in the comments. And remember the Monday comment thread is open to all for comments.
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Until next time!
Take care,
Lizzie and Dan
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