Etiquette Throwback: 1949, Introduction: More Than Manners
This excerpt from the 1949 Vogue's Book of Etiquette by Millicent Fenwick
Vogue's Book of Etiquette by Millicent Fenwick, 1949: Introduction: More Than Manners
Chapter 1 Introduction: More Than Manners, pgs. 7-8
pg. 7
Broken down into its three parts, the value of etiquette can be analyzed as follows: It has a practical value, because it has made time-and-thought-saving decisions on technicalities, such as the wording and forms of invitations, which are notably within the province of etiquette. It has an attractive side, an aesthetic value, in that many of its rules and customs (flowers on the table, for example) are designed purely for the sake of beauty or gracefulness. Finally, it has a great civic value, and this is the prime contribution of etiquette. Its civic value lies in the fact that etiquette imposes consideration for others. It demands willingness to discipline oneself for the sake of others, or for a principle. It acknowledges high standards of behavior and is valuable to the community because, by acknowledging these standards, it strengthens them. Etiquette has sometimes been questioned because it can serve as a substitute for kindness or gratitude. But the one who pretends to a virtue he lacks is not as dangerous to society as the one who convinces others that virtue is unnecessary.
pg. 8
The greatest value of etiquette, however, is none of these. It is its value to the individual. Good behavior may be useful to society, but it is part of a man. Dozens of philosophers, from Aristotle to Emerson, have pointed out this truth. “Manners make the man.” The rules of behavior do not depend upon material things. In the end your behavior is “you.” It is part of your character, and you can’t escape it or leave it behind.
It may seem surprising to some that in a book of etiquette there is so much about morals and principles. But a study of etiquette must go beyond the technicalities to the spirit which lies behind them. And fortunately, when one studies our contemporary etiquette this is what one finds. There are morals in etiquette because our good taste has put them there. They are part of our taste because they are part of our principles. There is no wishful thinking in this book, and no motive except to write an honest textbook about the manner and customs of our times. Out of respect for the subject and for the reader, nothing is here simply because it is moral, or because it is, or might be, popular. No allowances are made on the grounds that the “uninitiated” would not be interested in the finest points, or in some possibly inconvenient truth.
The assumption is that, although few may have the time or the opportunity to study the developments in etiquette, most Americans are interested in the amenities of living. We understand good living to include good manners and good usage and, in the very fullest sense, good taste. And we believe this book to be an outline of good living, as it is given to our generation to understand the meaning of good. When the definition changes, or when usage widens the field of etiquette still further, we’ll take up the subject again.
The very start of Millicent Fenwick’s introduction sounds very comforting and familiar to the Emily Post fan. Fenwick gets etiquette the way Emily Post did. She talks about it being based on tradition and yet able to change. She describes it as being concerned with “human beings and their relations to one another.” And one of our favorite lines “Its ramifications are trivialities, but its roots are in great principles.” She goes on to describe the origins of the word etiquette and its connection to the courts of France and she too, like Emily, poo-poos the idea of an inner circle that one must belong to in order to understand or engage with etiquette.
While the first few paragraphs were exciting for us to read, and gave us a sense of being kindred spirits, we greatly appreciated and even took some lessons from the descriptions quoted on pages 7 and 8. Especially the idea that etiquette can break down into three parts (with a fourth overruling all) and that beauty is one of those parts! While standing up for individual senses of style and respecting one’s right to one’s own taste, we at Emily Post in many ways drifted away from calling out particular styles as desirable. It was so refreshing to have beauty breathed back into the language of etiquette.
We are so used to talking about etiquette’s practical service, and its civic value that the inclusion of beauty was well…strikingly beautiful.
LAST CHANCE FOR PERSONALIZED COPIES!
If you’d like a signed copy of our latest edition, Emily Post’s Etiquette - The Centennial Edition, now’s the time! You can order a signed copy(s) through our favorite independent Vermont bookstore, Bridgeside Books, by clicking the button. This book makes a wonderful gift to celebrate an engagement, for bridal attendants, or as a graduation gift! Personalization ends May 1st
The Saturday Sip is coming up next, keep an eye out on your inbox. Also, is there a topic of etiquette that you’d like us to cover in a throwback article? Do you have questions about other etiquette authors throughout American history? Let us know in the comments! (Free subscribers can tell us in the Monday comments which are open to all.)
Until next time!
Lizzie and Dan
Ready to up your support? Sign up for a paid COMMUNITY MEMBERSHIP and you’ll get a $50 coupon in your welcome email to spend on digital downloads at the Emily Post Shop! Plus it’s less than the cost of that streaming service’s monthly subscription you forgot about and haven’t used in 10 months.
What a beautiful framing of etiquette! It is, indeed, so much deeper than good manners in that it helps us connect more smoothly with each other and carries the fragrance of kindness and civility which we are sorely lacking today. I have tried to express this to my note-writing followers -- the importance of looking at it as a gift and a privilege rather than a duty or a chore. Thank you for this wonderful perspective.
And I've ordered my personalized copy of Emily Post’s Etiquette - The Centennial Edition...can't wait to add it to my shelf and use it to guide my etiquette decisions.