Etiquette Throwback: 1937, Margery Wilson
The introduction to Margery Wilson's 1937 book, The New Etiquette
The New Etiquette, by Margery Wilson - Introduction
Continuing our look at other authors’ takes on etiquette. Margery Wilson keeps things short but in an upcoming Awesome Etiquette postscript segment, we’ll take a look at her first chapter “Musings on Manners”.
Foreward
pg. XV
“Always the struggle of the human soul is to break through the barriers of silence and distance into companionship. Friendship, lust, love, art, religion—we rush into them pleading, fighting, clamoring for the touch of spirit laid against our spirit. All literature is merely an effort toward contact. And here is one of the paradoxes of the universe; the more trenchantly individualized is the personality, the stronger is the impulse and the better is the equipment for overcoming the obstacles of this blending spirit with spirit.” - DON MARQUIS
And to make this contact with other people the boon it should be, civilization charts the way with manners. In a world complicated and chaotic, an established way of behaving simplifies our lives and soothes our nerves like a cool hand on a fevered brown. Only those who are afraid shrink from their obligations of courtesy. There is more than a little bravery and strength in the mind and heart that is generous to accept the laws of etiquette. No one can be independent of them without being independent of society—and if such a person existed he would immediately want to meet society to tell it how independent he is, Satisfaction is a multiple thing. One cannot savor it alone. Hence society and its laws!
That first line from Don Marquis is quite striking. “Always the struggle of the human soul is to break through the barriers of silence and distance into companionship.” So often we hear in the questions being asked on the Awesome Etiquette podcast someone wanting to break through, to connect, to be heard, to understand, or be understood. “Should I say what I’m thinking?” “Should I bring it up?” “Is this something I can ask of them?” It is so very human to be both alone in our minds and living, interacting regularly as part of a community. The nervousness and courage that surround the moment of crossing into each other’s space, asking a question, and sharing a thought, is both terrifying and silly, at the same time so frequent in our lives.
Wilson seems to try to bully us into the idea that etiquette is part of society, telling the reader that those who don’t rise to the obligations of courtesy are afraid of it. Yet, like many etiquette authors, she declares that the rules of etiquette and the chosen manners of the day are important to us mentally as much as they function for society. Expressing how they can calm the nerves. While we are not so fond of the shaming, we love her declaring that taking on etiquette demonstrates both bravery and strength of mind and heart.
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Thank you for your time today and for taking a look at Margery Wilson’s work with us. What do you think is brave about etiquette or brave about choosing to think about your actions and their impact on others? We’d love to here your thoughts in the comments, remember the Monday thread is open to all. Keep an eye on your inbox for the Saturday Sip, it’s up next.
Until next time!
Take care,
Lizzie and Dan
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