Etiquette Throwback: 1923 The Manners of Today - Lillian Eichler
We finally have our hands on Volumes I & II of Emily's sales rival, Lillian Eichler, and we are excited to dive in with you!
Lillian Eichler Book of Etiquette Volume I, 1923 - The Manners of Today
Since first reading Laura Claridge’s biography of Emily Post, Emily Post, Daughter of The Gilded Age, Mistress of American Manners, we have wondered about Emily’s big rival in the world of publishing etiquette books, Lillian Eichler. Were her books as Claridge had presented, full of fear and shamed-based advice? The advertisements that were so popular were said to have irked Emily, who didn’t think anyone should be using etiquette from a place of fear.
Let’s take a look at Eicher’s take on manners today to get a feel for her tone and delivery.
*Please note, that grammar and spelling in the following excerpt follow late 19th century standards.
Chapter II - Etiquette’s Reward
THE MANNERS OF TODAY
Certain sensible rules of etiquette have come down to us from one generation to another. To-day only those that have stood the test of time are respected and observed. They have been silently adopted by the common consent of the best circles in America and Europe; and only those who follow them faithfully can hope to be successful in business and in social life.
There are some people who say that etiquette, that manners, are petty shams that polish the surface with the gilt edge of hypocrisy. We all know that a few people believe this. Who of us has not heard the uncultured boor boast that he is not restricted by any “sissy manners”? Who of us has not heard the successful business man decline an invitation to a reception because he “had no time for such nonsense”? To a great many people manners mean nothing but nonsense; but you will find that they are almost invariably people who never win social or business distinction.
The rules of etiquette as we observe them nowadays are not, as some people suppose, the dictates of fashions. They are certain forms of address, certain conduct of speech and manner, that have been brought down to us through centuries of developing culture. And we observe them to-day because they make contact in social life easier and more agreeable; the make life more beautiful and impressive.
You do not have to observe the laws of good conduct if you do not wish to. Certainly not. You may do just as you please, say just what you please, and wear just what you please. But of course you must not complain when you find the doors of good society closed against you, when you find that people of good manners and correct social conduct avoid you and bar you from their activities. Good manners is the only key that will open the door to social success—and men and women often find that it fits the door to business success as well.
Lillian Eichler certainly paints a realistic version of what she sees out in America in the 1920’s. We love that she builds the generational nature of etiquette traditions up in one paragraph and, in the very next, acknowledges clearly that you don’t have to participate. It’s a choice. And there are people out there whom you will encounter who do not abide by these traditions of culture. It’s refreshing to hear it spelled out so clearly, and helps to paint the picture that the author is not living in some idealistic world.
But we are picking up on the fear in her tone. It strikes us more as a realistic warning than a wringing of any alarm bell. But it is there. And it was a bit of a disappointment to conclude a reasoning point for etiquette and manners with “they make life more beautiful and impressive.” After agreeable and easier, it would have been nice to see her drive the point home to something with more heart rather than something seemingly showy or even, at times, hollow, like beauty and impressions.
We’ll be curious to explore more of Eichler’s direct etiquette advice on topics like notes, gifts, dining, and more in upcoming Throwbacks. What are your thoughts on Eichler’s style? Do you agree with Laura’s Claridge? Or do you find value in her style of caution?
Signed copies of Emily Post’s Etiquette - The Centennial Edition are available now! Whether as a hosting gift or as a special keepsake for a loved one, this is a fabulous gift to cross off your list today!
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We hope you enjoyed exploring etiquette from Lillian Eichler today. Community members, we’d love to hear your thoughts about it in the comments. And remember, the Monday comment thread is open to all. Before we go today, we have one special request:
AWESOME ETIQUETTE PODCAST SPECIAL REQUEST: Please send your etiquette questions and salutes to awesomeetiquette@emilypost.com, or you can post them to the Monday comment thread. We’d love to have great questions stacked up for the holiday season! Plus, we can always use more salutes. It’s such a warm and comforting thing to hear about good behavior happening out in the world.
Keep an eye on your inbox for the Saturday Sip, it’s up next.
Until next time!
Take care,
Lizzie and Dan
Looking to improve your own etiquette? Check out our eLearning programs for business etiquette and dining etiquette.
Hmmm... Obviously there's a reason Emily Post became a household name and Lillian Eichler did not.