Etiquette Throwback: 1922, How To Sit Gracefully
Emily Post on How to Sit Gracefully from the 1922 edition of Etiquette.
Emily Post’s Etiquette, 1922, How To Sit Gracefully
Chapter 10 Cards and Visits
HOW TO SIT GRACEFULLY
Having shaken hands with the hostess, the visitor, whether a lady or a gentleman, looks about quietly, without hurry, for a convenient chair to sit down upon, or drop into. To sit gracefully one should not perch stiffly on the edge of a straight chair, nor sprawl at length in an easy one. The perfect position is one that is easy, but dignified. In other days, no lady of dignity ever crossed her knees, held her hands on her hips, or twisted herself sideways, or even leaned back in her chair! To-day all these things are done; and the only etiquette left is on the subject of how not to exaggerate them. No lady should cross her knees so that her skirts go up to or above them; neither should her foot be thrust out so that her toes are at knee level. An arm a-kimbo is not a graceful attitude, nor is a twisted spine! Everyone, of course, leans against a chair back, except in a box at the opera and in a ballroom, but a lady should never throw herself almost at full length in a reclining chair or on a wide sofa when she is out in public. Neither does a gentleman in paying a formal visit sit on the middle of his backbone with one ankle supported on the other knee, and both as high as his head.
The proper way for a lady to sit is in the center of her chair, or slightly sideways in the corner of a sofa. She may lean back, of course, and easily; her hands relaxed in her lap, her knees together, or if crossed, her foot must not be thrust forward so as to leave a space between the heel and her other ankle. On informal occasions she can lean back in an easy chair with her hands on the arms. In a ball dress a lady of distinction never leans back in a chair; one can not picture a beautiful and high-bred woman, wearing a tiara and other ballroom jewels, leaning against anything. This is, however, not so much a rule of etiquette as a question of beauty and fitness.
A gentleman, also on very formal occasions, should sit in the center of his chair; but unless it is a deep lounging one, he always leans against the back and puts a hand or an elbow on its arms.
We are finding ourselves feeling delighted by the detail and also the understanding that Emily has included in this passage on sitting gracefully. The allowance that “today” (1922) people can do a number of things that used to be considered unattractive and potentially inconsiderate is a bit delicious. It’s also a great example of Emily guiding the reader and informing them not just how to do it, but that it’s an evolving manner, a manner that has adjusted to fit the era. The purpose of the manner is still important, to come across as engaged but also relaxed and comfortable.
We love seeing Emily compare and contrast the etiquette of old with the norms of her day. She paints such good visuals in describing the impact a particular seated position might have. And yet the instruction here does feel old-fashioned as we read it. We know that today many women do not aim to be seen as “ladies” (some even try to avoid being “ladylike”) and that anyone of anyone gender could sit as Emily describes. While Emily often starts by directing advice at women, we appreciate that she is often inclusive of both genders when speaking on a topic. It is sometimes assumed that her books are primarily for women but there is quite a lot (if not an equal amount) of advice offered to gentlemen too.
While today we would frame this advice in terms of aiming to have your posture and positioning when you sit be engaging and match the tone of the visit and we would probably be speaking to everyone rather than directly to ladies and gentlemen, we are always happy to spend some time with Emily’s detailed descriptions from the 1922 edition of Etiquette.
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Thank you for diving into a bit of historical etiquette today. Keep an eye out on your inbox for the Saturday Sip, it’s up next. Is there a topic of etiquette that you’d like us to cover in a throwback article? Let us know in the comments! (Free subscribers can tell us in the Monday comments which are open to all.)
Until next time!
Take care,
Lizzie and Dan
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😄😄 I feel like Emily would have a field day with the way people sit at airplane gates
“...sit on the middle of his backbone with one ankle supported on the other knee, and both as high as his head.” Emily would’ve found me a nightmare in 6th to 8th grade. 🤣🤣🤣 I read that and knew the exact position.