Etiquette Throwback 1922: Emily Post, Etiquette, Engaged Couple in Public
Emily Post talks about how a couple should behave during their engagement period.
Etiquette, 1922, Engaged Couple in Public
In this section of Emily’s first edition of Etiquette, Emily is quite clear that any version of bringing one’s private relationships to public light through displays of affection could end up awkward, not for the couple, but for those in their presence. It’s a great example of how etiquette balances what you find appealing and what the people around you find appropriate.
*Please note that the grammar and spelling in the following excerpt follow 20th-century standards.
CHAPTER XIII
Engagements
Engaged Couple in Public
Pg 307-308
There is said to be still preserved somewhere in Massachusetts a whispering reed through the long hollow length of which lovers were wont to whisper messages of tenderness to each other while separated by a room's length and the inevitable chaperonage of the fiancée's entire family.
From those days to these is a far cry, but even in this era of liberty and naturalness of impulse, running the gauntlet of people's attention and criticism is no small test of the good taste and sense of a young couple.
The hallmark of so-called "vulgar people" is unrestricted display of uncontrolled emotions. No one should ever be made to feel like withdrawing in embarrassment from the over-exposed privacy of others. The shrew who publicly berates her husband is no worse than the engaged pair who snuggle in public. Every one supposes that lovers kiss each other, but people of good taste wince at being forced to play audience at love scenes which should be private. Furthermore, such cuddling gives little evidence of the deeper caring-no matter how ardent the demonstration may be.
Great love is seldom flaunted in public, though it very often shows itself in pride-that is a little obvious, perhaps.
There is a quality of protectiveness in a man's expression as it falls on his betrothed, as though she were so lovely a breath might break her; and in the eyes of a girl whose love is really deep, there is always evidence of that most beautiful look of championship, as though she thought: "No one else can possibly know how wonderful he is!"
This underlying tenderness and pride which is at the base of the attitude of each, only glints beneath the surface of perfect comradeship. Their frank approval of whatever the other may do or say is very charming; and even more so is their obvious friendliness toward all people, of wanting the whole world beautiful for all because it is so beautiful to them. That is love—as it should be! And its evidence is a very sure sign-post pointing to future happiness.
We love how Emily directly addresses PDA’s in describing how engaged couples should behave in public. And the way she makes a good case for the impact that it has on others is still valid and practical today. There’s nothing wrong with kissing and hugging in public, but the question is, do you really want to plant those images in your surrounding audience’s minds? Emily doesn’t just leave it to PDA the affection version, she also mentions the lesser-known (possibly just made-up now) PDA, Public Displays of Admonishment. She makes the case that any version of a couple’s private life, making it to the public stage (be it at your family dinner table, or the local cafe) isn’t wise.
We are also always fans of when Emily compares the old to the new, and hearing her talk about the reduced inhibitions of her era makes us smile. Goodness knows what she’d think of Instagram and PDA, of any kind, today!
(We’ll leave it to you to comment on her ideas about what form, tenderness and pride, the proper love of an engaged couple is likely to take.)
Can’t post in the comments below? Sign up for a subscription today, or post on the Monday Podcast comment thread.
A Fabulous Gift
Signed copies of Emily Post’s Business Etiquette, Emily Post’s Etiquette - The Centennial Edition and our Trivia Game: Mind Your Manners are all available! Get your copy today from the fine folks at Bridgeside Books!
HELP KEEP EMILY POST PUBLISHING QUALITY CONTENT
If you enjoy Emily Post Etiquette and want to ensure we continue to create quality etiquette content and advice, please join our paid Community Membership. It is the most impactful way to contribute to the work we do at The Emily Post Institute. Your support makes a really big difference. Thank you!
Thank you for spending some of your day with us! If you haven’t checked out the podcast this week, here’s the link. Keep an eye on your inbox for the Saturday Sip; it’s up next!
All our best,
Lizzie and Dan
Learn To Teach Business Etiquette From the Posts!
2025 In-Person Business Etiquette Trainer Training
If you’d like to train as an Emily Post Business Etiquette trainer, our in-person, four-day program is set for September 2025! Click here to learn more. Or, if you’d like to speak with our program coordinator, Kristi Spencer, you can email her at Kristi@emilypost.com or book a call with her today using this link.
See you in September!