Etiquette Throwback: 1922, Emily Post, Etiquette - Best Man as Expressman
It's catchy, but just wait until you see what the Best Man used to have to do.
Emily Post, Etiquette, 1922, Best Man as Expressman
This section is found in chapter twenty-two, titled, The Day of The Wedding, and it is one of those highly useful sections of the book as it spells out in detail many of the tasks and considerations of those who have important roles to play in the wedding. There is a lot of responsibility heaped on these roles, and it’s impressive to see just how orchestrated everything is. We’ll dive into just a slice today, but there’s more to come from this great chapter in future Thursday Throwbacks.
*Please note that grammar and spelling in the following excerpt follow 20th-century standards.
Chapter XXII
THE DAY OF THE WEDDING
Best Man as Expressman
pg 345-346
His first actual duty is that of packer and expressman; he must see that everything necessary for the journey is packed, and that the groom does not absent-mindedly put the furnishings of his room in his valise and leave his belongings hanging in the closet. He must see that the clothes the groom is to “wear away” are put into a special bag to be taken to the house of the bride (where he, as well as she, must change from wedding into traveling clothes.) The best man becomes expressman if the first stage of the wedding journey is to be to a hotel in town. He puts all the groom’s luggage into his own car or a taxi, drives to the bride’s house, carries the bag with the groom’s traveling suit in it to the room set aside for his use—usually the dressing-room of the bride’s father or the bedroom of her brother. He then collects, according to pre-arrangement, the luggage of the bride and drives with the entire equipment of both bride and groom to the hotel where rooms have already been engaged, sees it all into the rooms, and makes sure that everything is as it should be.
If he is very thoughtful, he may himself put flowers about the rooms. He also registers for the newly-weds, takes the room key, returns to the house of the room, gives him the key and assure him that everything at the hotel is in readiness. This maneuver allows the young couple when they arrive to go quietly to their rooms without attracting the notice of any one, as would be the case if they arrived with baggage and were conspicuously shown the way by a bell-boy whose manner unmistakeably proclaims “Bride and Groom!”
Or, if they are going at once by boat or train, the best man takes the baggage to the station, checks the large pieces, and fees a porter to see that the hand luggage is put in the proper stateroom or parlor car chairs. If they are going by automobile, he takes the luggage out to the garage and personally sees that it is bestowed in the car.
If that’s not all, this section is followed by BEST MAN AS VALET and BEST MAN AS COMPANION-IN-ORDINARY. They kept him busy in 1922. Most grooms today probably feel confident they won’t be so absent-minded as to need someone else to pack for them. Today, the best man still drives the couple to the reception from the ceremony (if needed). He also takes on the role of having a car or transportation prepared for the couple from the reception to the hotel, house, afterparty, or maybe even the airport or train station, depending on their plans. But he doesn’t have to go so far as to pack for anyone or do nearly so much running around. We’ll explore more about the role of the best man in next week’s Thursday Etiquette Today article.
We were pleased to see Emily’s suggestion of a thoughtful act being to ready the room with flowers and take care of checking in to the hotel and stowing luggage so the couple could go straight to their room after their big day. In those details, we see some real care and hospitality at play, even when we aren’t playing the roles of host and guest (at least not between the couple and the best man.)
Tell us about some of your best-man experiences in the comments below. If you can’t post here, try our Monday podcast post, where the comment thread is open to all.
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I love the level of thought and preparation that this expects from the best man, especially the part about checking into the hotel ahead of time. While it's not quite the role most best men are playing these days, I always think it's a great idea to make sure your best man is someone you can rely on to think of the things you're going to inevitably forget on the day of your wedding. Plus, they can take care of the things you shouldn't have to worry about.