Etiquette Throwback 1922: Emily Post, Etiquette, The Atmosphere of Hospitality
Emily Post talks about the atmosphere of hospitality that a host creates
Etiquette, 1922, The Atmosphere of Hospitality
Emily explores how we create a sense of hospitality as we welcome guests into our home. As does happen occasionally in Emily’s writing, she gets opinionated with her advice. In this instance, she digs into those who think that etiquette rules alone will make a person and their home hospitable.
*Please note that the grammar and spelling in the following excerpt follow 20th-century standards.
CHAPTER XIII
Tea and Other Afternoon Parties
THE ATMOSPHERE OF HOSPITALITY
Pg 175
The atmosphere of hospitality is something very intan-gible, and yet nothing is more actually felt — or missed. There are certain houses that seem to radiate warmth like an open wood fire, there are others that suggest an arrival by wireless at the North Pole, even though a much brighter actual fire may be burning on the hearth in the drawing-room of the second than of the first. Some people have the gift of hospitality; others whose intentions are just as kind and whose houses are perfection in luxury of appointments, seem to petrify every approach. Such people appearing at a picnic color the entire scene with the blue light of their austerity. Such people are usually not masters, but slaves, of etiquette. Their chief concern is whether this is correct, or whether that is properly done, or is this person or that such an one as they care to know? They seem, like Hermione (Don Marquis's heroine), to be anxiously asking themselves, "Have I failed today, or have I not?" Introspective people who are fearful of others, fearful of themselves, are never successfully popular hosts or hostesses. If you for instance, are one of these, if you are really afraid of knowing someone who might some day prove unpleasant, if you are such a snob that you can't take people at their face value, then why make the effort to bother with people at all? Why not shut your front door tight and pull down the blinds and, sitting before a mirror in your own drawing-room, order tea for two?
In what appears to be an effort at giving relaxing and encouraging advice, as she acknowledges people’s good intentions, she ends up taking to task those who follow the rules so closely that they become unfriendly and inhospitable, as well as those who are fearful around social interactions in general. In an effort to buck up those who might need some encouragement, our typically embracing and dare we say delicate Emily is nowhere to be found, as she essentially tells readers if you can’t handle the heat of socializing, get out of the kitchen…or in this case, the drawing room.
Even with the ham-fisted approach, we appreciate Emily’s good intentions here. Etiquette is not something to hold on high. Knowing all the rules will not make you win at the game of life or climb the social ladder. No matter how well appointed you or your house are, genuine connection, and an interest in others are at the heart of hospitality. And while she doesn’t say it blatantly we know Emily is driving home the point that you do not need money, a perfect tea tray, or a butler to be a good host.
An upcoming question in next week’s Awesome Etiquette Podcast deals with a host who put time and effort into making special details for her guests - personal bouquets to bring home - only to have the friends cancel at the last minute, without emergency reasons. It’s a great question, so check it out on the show. For now, what is one of your favorite hosting details? Is there something you love to do for your guests? Can’t post in the comments below here? Sign up for a subscription today, or post on the Monday Podcast comment thread.
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