Etiquette Throwback: 1921, Lillian Eichler, Book of Etiquette, Vol. 1, Etiquette's Reward
Lillian Eichler sums up the reason for etiquette quite well in this 1923 printing of her book.
Lillian Eichler, Book of Etiquette, 1921, Etiquette’s Reward
As Emily’s biographer, Laura Claridge, paints the picture, Lillian Eichler and Emily Post were watching each other. Lillian was apparently frustrated that Emily was getting so much credit for her work on etiquette when she had published her very popular etiquette book a year before Emily’s. Emily was confounded by Lillian’s popularity and sales because - according to Claridge - the illustrated ads that promoted Lillian’s book were based on avoiding shame and embarrassment rather than promoting confidence and understanding. We often can hear the scare tactic in Eichler’s work, but at the same time, she comes up with some real gems. The second half of her section on Etiquette’s Reward really nails it. If you’ve ever wanted to know or be able to easily explain to someone else why etiquette is worth employing in your life, this is it.
*Please note that grammar and spelling in the following excerpt follow 20th-century standards.
Part I
ETIQUETTE’S REWARD
pg 18-19
The rewards of etiquette are too numerous to recount. If you follow the laws of good conduct, if you do only what is right and in good form, you will find yourself an acknowledged leader, an acknowledged success, no matter in what station of life you may be. The world is quick to perceive good manners, just as it is quick to perceive the blunders in etiquette. If you study the rules of conduct, and follow good form in everything you do and say, you will become courteous and kind and well-mannered. Etiquette will attract people to you, make you and your home a center of social activity. But most of all, it will make you respect yourself. And that is more important than riches or fame — for self-respect is the only thing that brings true happiness.
Remember the words of the prophet,
“He who respects himself will earn the respect of all the world.”
Today, we tend not to be quite so absolute. We leave room for behavior to be understandably imperfect. The “only what is right and in good form” and the “follow good form in everything you do and say” feel a bit like impossible goals. Today, we might also emphasize the use of a great apology and being able to give one comfortably when we inevitably fall short. But we were awestruck by Eichler’s language as she concluded, “But most of all, it will make you respect yourself. And that is more important than riches or fame — for self-respect is the only thing that brings true happiness.” For folks who sit around crafting language about what etiquette is, why you would want to use it, and why it truly matters, these two sentences jumped off the page in front of our eyes, glowing, golden, and bright.
Why etiquette? The number one reason is for your own sense of self-respect and happiness. We may call it the etiquette high road at the Emily Post Institute, but we love Eichler’s use of etiquette’s reward and think even Emily would agree on this one.
A GIFT WORTH GIVING Signed copies of Emily Post’s Etiquette - The Centennial Edition are available now and make an excellent gift and pair well with our NEW TRIVIA GAME: Mind Your Manners. Get your copy today from the fine folks at Bridgeside Books!
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We hope you enjoyed Lillian Eichler’s perspective as much as we did. How do you champion etiquette to the people in your lives? Tell us in the comments below!
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All our best,
Lizzie and Dan
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