Episode 477 - Not Too Scary
Your Awesome Etiquette podcast episode for the week, bonus question, Monday joke and a timely etiquette extra on manners for All Hallows' Eve.
On today’s show, we take your questions on conversation poachers, large parties with no split checks, setting boundaries with family members, and waiting for machines at the gym. For Awesome Etiquette Community Members, our question is about riding in an Uber when the driver makes an illegal turn. Plus your most excellent feedback, etiquette salute, and a postscript on, "BOO!" Trick-or-Treat Etiquette!
Etiquette Extra - Emily the Villain
Thanks a LOT, Emily Post! is a children’s book with Emily Post Etiquette taking a heal turn. We thought Halloween would be a good time to share this slightly edgy etiquette book for kids ages 4-8 written by Jennifer Larue Huget, and illustrated by Alexandra Boiger. In case you missed the sarcasm in the title, this book is about the disruption that the arrival of a famous etiquette book brings to the lives of children who find themselves suddenly subjected to new rules and expectations. We wish we could say that in the end, everyone learns the importance of behaviors rooted in consideration, respect, and honesty. Instead, you’ll have to give it a read to see how the kids handle their new rules.
We don’t mind laughing a bit at the concept as a new generation is introduced to some classic Emily Post. But this book does serve as a great reminder that etiquette can be used in ways that alienate, and as we chuckle at this humorous story, we also take away the important lesson that if we want etiquette to serve us well, we must think about how we are choosing to define and apply it.
Check out this YouTube read of the book and see for yourself at this link.
LAST CALL: PERSONALIZATION IS AVAILABLE THROUGH THE END OF DAY TUESDAY, OCT. 31st - The option to get a personalized and signed copy of Emily Post’s Etiquette, The Centennial Edition this holiday season ends November 1st. A personalized copy makes a unique gift and is a one-of-a-kind way to get ahead on your holiday shopping.
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A door creaks eerily open on its own. A chilly wind teases the hairs on the back of your neck. BOO! Come on in and share a ghost story with us this week, the comment thread is open to all. Or you can use the thread to ask an etiquette question or leave a salute.
Coming up next is the Thursday Etiquette Today article.
All the best for now,
Dan and Lizzie
Happy Monday - Dad Joke from Dan
Q: "What Halloween candy is never on time?"
A: "Choco-late.”
On gym etiquette and waiting/asking for a machine is not rude to ask, but never do it while the user is actively lifting, wait until they are resting.
Another option I use often is to ask the user if I can “work-in” on the machine or equipment. This means I lift while they rest. However, the etiquette for this is that as the person asking to work-in YOU are responsible for switching the weight and the location of the seat back to what the original user was lifting.
If you’re asking to work in on something like a squat rack, bench, or leg press (eg equipment that requires adjusting for height and plates) make sure you’re capable of moving the weight.
Most avid lifters will rest 2-5 minutes between sets, so you have the time but if they are pressing 500 lbs be sure you can move the weight off the machine, do your set, and load the equipment in time.
If it’s a cable machine where the user can easily switch the pin, it’s easy, but on other equipment that involves weight plates and J-hook heights, note their size and strength.
As a 5’5” woman squatting 130 lbs, I wouldn’t ask to work in with a man that is 6’3” squatting 400 lbs. my whole workout would be moving weight around. Haha.
Bottom line, you can always ask. Most seasoned lifters are cool with it.
A great episode, as usual. And the question about waiting for gym equipment prompted a meta-question from me about etiquette. (This from the same James who asked about "tacky" a few months ago.)
The question: Is it rude to be weird?
The question asker wanted to know if it was "weird" to ask someone when they'd be done with a machine at the gym. I realized I've often heard that word — "weird" — used as a rough synonym for "rude" — but like "tacky," in my mind, "weird" might overlap sometimes with "rude," but more often just means that something is unusual or uncommon. And it doesn't seem inherently rude, to my mind, to do something unusual. Not break the rules, but stray outside the norms.
But you asked for questions, and I'd love to hear your thoughts about the relationship between being weird and being rude.