Etiquette Throwback: The House Wedding - Emily Post, 1922
Emily details a 'house wedding' on the day of the wedding.
Etiquette by Emily Post, 1922, The House Wedding
Having attended many small house weddings, it was particularly fun to read Emily’s account of how to pull off such a wedding. We love the detail she goes into, explaining where everyone takes their place and how one might proceed with some sense of familiarity while practically accommodating the realities of hosting an event at home. We are particularly fond of her “Martha Stewart” moment in describing how to DIY a prayer bench for the ceremony!
*Please note that grammar and spelling in the following excerpt follow 19th-century standards.
Chapter XXI
THE DAY OF THE WEDDING
THE HOUSE WEDDING
pg 378-380
A house wedding involves slightly less expenditure but has the disadvantage of limiting the number of guests. The ceremony is exactly the same as that in a church, excepting that the procession advances through an aisle of white satin ribbons from the stairs down which the bridal party descends, through the drawing room, to the improvised altar. A small space near the altar is fenced off with other ribbons, for the family. There is sometimes a low rail behind which the clergyman stands, and always there is a bench or cushion for the bride and groom to kneel on during the prayers of the ceremony. The prayer bench is usually about six or 8 inches high, and between three and four feet all caterers have the necessary standards to which ribbons are tied, like the wires to telegraph poles. The top of each standard is usually decorated with a spray of white flowers.
Add a house wedding the brides mother stands at the door of the drawing room — or wherever the ceremony is to be — and receives people as they arrive. But the grooms mother merely takes her place near the altar with the rest of the immediate family. The ushers are purely ornamental, unless the house is so large that "pews" have been installed, and the guests are seated as in a church. Otherwise the guests stand wherever they can find places behind the aisle ribbons. Just before the brides entrance her mother goes forward and stands in the reserved part of the room. In an apartment the procession starts in the foyer or bedroom hall. Otherwise the ushers go up to the top of the stairway. The wedding march begins and the ushers come down two and two, followed by the bridesmaids, exactly as in a church, the bride coming last on her fathers arm. The clergyman and the groom and the best man have if possible reach the altar by another door. If the room has only one door, they go up the aisle a few moments before the bridal procession starts.
The cheap difference between a church and a house wedding is that the bride and groom do not take a single step together. The groom meets her at the point where the service is read. After the ceremony, there is no recessional. The clergyman withdraws, and usher removes the prayer bench, and the bride and groom merely turn where they stand, and receive the congratulations of their guests, unless, of course, the house is so big that they receive in another room.
When there is no recessional, the groom always kisses the bride before they turn to receive their guests. It is against all tradition for anyone to kiss the bride before her husband does. There are seldom many bridal attendance at a house wedding — two to four ushers, and one to four bridesmaids — unless the house is an immense one.
In the country, a house wedding may be performed in the garden, with the wedding procession under the trees, and the tables out on the lawn — a perfect plan for California or other rainless states, but difficult to arrange on the Atlantic seaboard where rain is too likely to spoil everything.
Emily does such a nice job of making the formality of a wedding ceremony accessible and achievable even when you aren’t at a venue meant for the occasion. It brings to mind some of our favorite at-home weddings in the Post family. Both Will and Susan Senning and Bill and Maureen Post had weddings at home that, while very different affairs, both brought a sense of celebration, family, and, of course, home to this wonderful, magical, life-changing event.
Did you have an at-home wedding? Whether it was your first or fifth, we’d love to hear about it! If you can’t post here, try our Monday podcast post, where the comment thread is open to all.
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All our best,
Lizzie and Dan
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