Etiquette Throwback: Introducing One Person to a Group- Emily Post, 1922
Emily details introductions when many are present.
Etiquette by Emily Post, 1922, Introducing One Person to a Group
Our jaws nearly dropped when we read Emily’s depiction of introducing one person to a group. Not because of how stiff it was or how wonderful her characters were (they are fairly standard names this time) but instead by the casual nature that she employs in her examples, this is a far less stuffy set of introduction instructions than we were prepared for after having read the previous introductions sections that were the height of formality (only introducing in one direction, not responding with things like ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you.”) Let’s take a look at Emily’s more everyday scenario of the group introduction.
*Please note that grammar and spelling in the following excerpt follow 19th-century standards.
Chapter II
INTRODUCTIONS
INTRODUCING ONE PERSON TO A GROUP
This is never done on formal occasions when a great many persons are present. At a small luncheon, for instance, a hostess always introduces her guests to one another.
Let us suppose you are the hostess: your position is not necessarily near, but it is toward the door. Mrs. King is sitting quite close to you, Mrs. Lawrence also near. Miss Robinson and Miss Brown are much farther away.
Mrs. Jones enters. You go a few steps forward and shake hands with her, then stand aside as it were, for a second only, to see if Mrs. Jones goes to speak to any one. If she apparently knows no one, you say, “Mrs. King, do you know Mrs. Jones?” Mrs. King being close at hand (usually but not necessarily) rises, shakes hands with Mrs. Jones and sits down again. If Mrs. King is an elderly lady, and Mrs. Jones a young one, Mrs. King merely extends her hand and does not rise. Having said “Mrs. Jones” once, you do not repeat it immediately, but turning to the other lady sitting near you, you say, “Mrs. Lawrence,” then you look across the room and continue, “Miss Robinson, Miss Brown—Mrs. Jones!” Mrs. Lawrence, if she is young, rises and shakes hands with Mrs. Jones, and the other two bow but do not rise.
At a very big luncheon you would introduce Mrs. Jones to Mrs. King and possibly to Mrs. Lawrence, so that Mrs. Jones might have some one to talk to. But if other guests come in at this moment, Mrs. Jones finds a place for herself and after a pause, falls naturally into conversation with those she is next to, without giving her name or asking theirs.
A friend’s roof is supposed to be an introduction to those it shelters. In Best Society this is always recognized if the gathering is intimate, such as at a luncheon, dinner or house party; but it is not accepted at a ball or reception, or any “general” entertainment. People always talk to their neighbors at table whether introduced or not. It would be a breach of etiquette not to! But if Mrs. Jones and Mrs. Norman merely spoke to each other for a few moments, in the drawing-room, it is not necessary that they recognize each other afterwards.
“Mrs. Jones, do you know Mrs. King?” and “Mrs. Lawrence” and even (from “across the room!”) “Miss Robinson, Miss Brown — Mrs. Jones!” (with an exclamation mark no less.) The instruction that if Mrs. Jones is elderly she need not get up was excellent but surprising nonetheless.
This section of Emily’s 1922 edition of Etiquette is one that helps paint the everyday picture of interactions. It’s so easy to look back at the world of yesterday and think of formal manners as being used across the board in all situations simply because there were more formalities at that time. But in truth, Emily was working with a range of everyday and casual situations just as much as she was giving a glimpse into the world of formal living.
Emily closes with a comment about how simply being welcomed into someone’s home should be an introduction in and of itself, going on to explain that any invited guest should feel confident mingling without the need for an introduction. To allow the lack of a formalized or even simple introduction to prevent you from talking to those seated next to you at an intimitate event would be rude.
This passage most likely eased many a worried guest, who either was preparing to attend a dinner or luncheon or who had just been to one.
Do you have any memorable stories of attending smaller events where you may not have known the other guests? We’d love to hear about it! Communities Members may post in the comments section of this post. If you can’t post here, try our Monday podcast post, where the comment thread is open to all.
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